It’s
never really Christmas for me until I can do accomplish 2 things. Have to watch
The Grinch Who Stole Christmas and Home Alone back to back... if time
allows me, I’ll squeeze in Home Alone 2:
Lost in New York. But definitely the first 2 have to be knocked off before
it feels like Christmas to me. And I just did both yesterday... which has
inspired me to use each of this weekend’s games and finding a relevant quote
from Home Alone to best describe that
game.
Onto
the picks, home team in CAPS
Falcons
(-3.5) over LIONS
Harry: “I think we're getting
scammed by a kindee-gartener.”
Are there two teams
that have been more annoying this season? The Lions full of promise after last
year should have made a natural rising progression considering the young talent
at their disposal but if there’s anything that the previous weeks have shown
us, is that this team isn’t disciplined, isn’t focused, isn’t prepared and isn’t
ready to step into the contender debate. Meanwhile I’ve spent most of the
season proclaiming that the Falcons are a bit of a fraud of a team that leads
the NFC. Then they step out and smash the Giants in the face at home. I really
don’t know what to make of them now because if the team that shows up vs. the
Giants shows up every week, the NFC is in trouble come playoff time, but if we
get the team that played the previous weeks... then the NFC is up in the air. But
the Falcons are playing for home-field throughout the playoffs in this game,
and home-field for them matters because Matt Ryan has 4 career losses in
Atlanta. The Lions meanwhile are a mess.
Titans
(+12.5) over PACKERS
Kevin: This is it – Don’t get scared now.
This
has been a weird season for the Packers. Seems to me that they’ve lost some of
that mystique they had last year. Why was that Bears game even mildly close
last week? Sure they’re winning games, but we’re not here to pick just who
wins. Something and everything seems to be just enough out of sync for them.
Whether it’s the impending release of Jermichael Finley, or the revolving door
of running backs, the countless injuries they’ve had to deal with... something
is off and its making me question taking them as double digit favourites. Even
if they are in Lambeau.
PANTHERS
(-8.5) over Raiders
Marv: He's a kid. Kids are stupid. I know I was.
Harry: You still are, Marv.
Harry: You still are, Marv.
The first of 3 games this week that nobody will be watching.
But these 2 franchises need to step out of their futility soon. Carolina is a
bit ahead on the curve than Oakland, but if Oakland is considering firing their
first year coach Dennis Allen, then it’s just a vicious cycle repeating itself.
You can’t expect to build something when you’re changing your foundation every
year. And that’s just stupid.
DOLPHINS
(-4.5) over Bills
Kevin McCallister: [gleefully] I made my family disappear.
Part 2 of games nobody will be watching.
Bengals
(+3.5) over STEELERS
Marv: Kids are scared of the dark.
Harry: You're afraid of the dark, too, Marv.
Harry: You're afraid of the dark, too, Marv.
Is anybody really afraid of either of these 2 teams?
Last year we were all concerned about the Steelers aging defence but they
proved us wrong. And it seems like we just forgot about it this year, but watching
them last week vs. Dallas they do look just a hair slower. And Cincy is all
over the place. They’ve only got 1 GOOD win on their resume this year (vs. the
Giants – I don’t count the Washington game because it was Week 3 when the
Redskins were still learning how to deal with all their injuries) but I’ll take
them here because of their youth and hoping they have a desire to finally get a
win against a decent opponent.
Patriots
(-14.5) over JAGUARS
Kevin McCallister: You guys give up yet? Or are you thirsty for more?
I would not want to be
the team that has to face the Patriots after getting punked the way they did in
that 49ers game. Sure they made a huge comeback and nearly turned the tide, but
you can’t tell me Bill Bellichick was thrilled having Colin Kaepernick make a
mockery of his defence.
Colts
(-7) over CHIEFS
Kevin McCallister: Not for a guy in the second grade. You can get beat up for
wearing something like that. Yeah, I had a friend who got nailed because there
was a rumor he wore dinosaur pajamas.
The
Chiefs are that team that is wearing dinosaur pajamas. Just hapless, and are
going to get pounded on week in and week out. They have no plan offensively, no
quarterback, no healthy wide receivers (Jon Baldwin is doing ok in essentially
his rookie year so there’s promise but Dwayne Bowe is out), and can’t figure
out how to get the ball to Jamaal Charles (how did you touch the ball only 12
times vs. the Raiders?). With all this shaping up towards a last place finish, and
unfortunately no sure-fire #1 QB pick... it’s entirely possible that this team
will show up for the 2013 season in dinosaur pajamas again.
COWBOYS
(-2.5) over Saints
Kevin McCallister: Buzz, I'm going through all your private stuff! You'd
better come out and pound me!
That’s essentially what the NFL did do the Saints
this year. And they took their beatings with that 0-4 start, and while they
made a valiant effort to come back, I think they’ve burned themselves out
because of it. Plus a Cowboys win sets up my theory of the Cowboys failing hard
in Week 17 @ Washington. Speaking of the Redskins.
Redskins
(-6.5) over EAGLES
Kevin McCallister: Hey, I'm not afraid anymore! I said I'm not afraid anymore!
Do you hear me? I'm not afraid anymore!
[Old Man Marley approaches Kevin and stares at him - Kevin runs back inside, screaming like a maniac]
[Old Man Marley approaches Kevin and stares at him - Kevin runs back inside, screaming like a maniac]
It’s exactly how the NFC reacted after Kirk Cousins
still won the game last week without RG3. It puts Washington in the driver’s
seat for a playoff spot. RG3 looks like he’s back, and Cousins looked good that
maybe he can keep them in contention even if RG3 goes down again. But the NFC
is definitely screaming and running back inside to film rooms.
BUCCANEERS
(-3) over Rams
Check-Out Woman: Are you here all by yourself?
Kevin McCallister: Ma'am, I'm eight years old. You think I would be here *alone*? I don't think so.
Kevin McCallister: Ma'am, I'm eight years old. You think I would be here *alone*? I don't think so.
Not going to lie to
you – I have no relevant quote for this game. But if I was going to do this, I
had to work in the “I don’t think so” somehow. Here it is. I don’t like St. Louis
as much on the road so I think the Bucs will take it here.
Vikings
(+7.5) over TEXANS
Gangster 'Johnny': Keep the change, ya filthy animal!
Adrian Freaking Peterson. He’s just blowing teams
up, and leaving them to die. At the end of 60 he’s left standing there to say “keep
the change, ya filthy animal. He’s SOOO GOOD that not even Christian “Kryptonite”
Ponder can slow this team down. He’s going to break Eric Dickerson’s single
season rushing title. He’s going to put this entire team and city on his back.
And they’re going to win in Houston.
Chargers
(+2.5) over JETS
Linnie McCallister: You're what the French call “les incompetents.”
The
quote pretty much says it all. Both of these franchises have spun themselves
into circles taking various short-cuts trying to find success while teams
around them have been building success. Also
Browns
(+12.5) over BRONCOS
Kevin McCallister: Is this toothbrush approved by the American Dental
Association?
Clerk: Well, I don't know. It doesn't say, hon.
Kevin McCallister: Well, could you please find out?
Clerk: Well, I don't know. It doesn't say, hon.
Kevin McCallister: Well, could you please find out?
That’s basically how I
imagine the discussion went in the off-season for Broncos management when they
were deciding between pursuing Peyton Manning or keeping Tim Tebow. And boy
have they ever found out what they have in Peyton. What’s actually most
impressive about the Broncos is how they play with a lead. The defence just
gets ramped up, pins its ears back and Von Miller and Elvis Dumervil get to
work. But I kind of like this Browns team and think they’ll be able to hang in this
game for a while, and if there’s a team that’s used to playing from behind its
them. They’ve had enough practice doing it all season so this game has some
garbage time back-door cover potential.
CARDINALS
(+5.5) over Bears
Kevin McCallister: Buzz! Your girlfriend! Woof!
3 of 3 for games that nobody will want to watch.
Giants
(-2.5) over RAVENS
Frank McCallister: There's no way on earth we can make this plane. It leaves
in 45 minutes.
Peter McCallister: Think positive, Frank!
Peter McCallister: Think positive, Frank!
Frank McCallister: You be
positive. I'll be realistic.
Both
of these teams need to be realistic. Now mind you the Giants have reasons to
think positive since they have some rings to their name, but what is going on
with them. They slipped from 5th place to 9th place in a
blink of an eye and find themselves needing help now to get in. Its must win
territory for them except now Tom Coughlin can’t use his calling card – the under-appreciated
team, because EVERYBODY appreciates this team and the whole late season push that
they’ve done is a big deal now. Meanwhile the Ravens absolutely imploded on
their own field last week against the Broncos and they’re facing some serious
decisions. It’s fortunate they banked some wins early in the season because it’s
looking grim right now. An offence that is still sputtering after firing its
co-ordinator, their QB that has no contract beyond this season... not looking
good for Ravens fans even when they do limp into the playoffs.
SEAHAWKS
(Pick ‘Em) over 49ers
Kevin McCallister: This is my house, I have to defend it.
Yeah
you got me, it’s definitely a homer pick here. But did you really expect me to
take the 49ers here? But the Seahawks are at home here and technically it won’t
mean much in the standings because the 49ers took care of business in New
England last week, but there’s still a lot at stake here. Pride for one.
Respect for another. They met earlier in the season on a short-week and the
49ers took it 13-6 but it really felt like both teams weren’t pleased with
their performances since it was on a Thursday and both turned in sloppy games.
However everything this season has been boiling to this point in the NFC West,
and it’s going to be a good’er. The Seahawks went out and smashed 2 opponents
and part of me is thinking they did that for some respect in the league, and if
anything the public is more against them cause of how lopsided the scores were
and trying to put up more points (even though backups were in). I’ll admit the
fake punt last week was a bit awkward but it just adds to the “No Respect”
campaign that this team has been getting which stems from the Green Bay game.
Primetime game, at home, a chance to make a mark and send a message to the
league.
Last
Week: 6-10
Season:
106-113-2
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